The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
