note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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