Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
