I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
