i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
