She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
