Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize