What did we do last night that was yellow?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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