you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
