Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
