i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
