Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
