i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
