So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
