Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
