She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
