I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
