he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
