I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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