I wannas sexs uuuuu
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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