My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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