My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
