he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
