Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
