the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
nutella sex= disaster
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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