it wasn't lemon gatorade
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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