I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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