I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
