The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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