Someone shit on the floor
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
