our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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