So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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