You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
