OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
