She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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