i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
