You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone came in the potted fern
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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