just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
