Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize