There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
