She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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