Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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