i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize