It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
