She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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