Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
