Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
