Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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