on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
