She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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