Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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