Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
