At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
