i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
