Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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