Where did you get a picture of my penis
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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