I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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