Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
