watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
