didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
