It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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