he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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