She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
