Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize