Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
