you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
