Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i've created a new STD.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
