Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize