Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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