It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
