u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
