I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
