Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize