Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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