hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
