Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
